The Master Whipmaker Comes Clean

Rather than purifying the temple, my whip began to harm those around me—and myself.

The Flagellation by Pierre Subleyras

Dearest readers (may I be so bold as to call you friends?),

Allow me to begin by expressing my sincere gratitude for your continued support. Before I address the more difficult part of this message—rest assured, I am not here to ask for money—I want to acknowledge the journey we’ve shared so far.

This marks my 50th post for Radical Fidelity in just six months. We’re nearing the 1,000-subscriber milestone, and each article regularly garners well over a thousand views—sometimes even twice a week. While these numbers may pale in comparison to the reach of figures like Taylor Marshall or Matt Fradd (whose audiences on YouTube alone are in the hundreds of thousands, if not millions), this has never been about popularity or platform-building.

As I’ve said before, the heart of this little publication has always been threefold: to chronicle my personal journey within Traditional Catholicism, to offer my modest contribution in defense of Holy Mother Church, and to deepen both my own catechesis and that of fellow travelers on The Way. Along the path, I’ve learned much from many of you. I’ve sharpened my understanding, questioned old assumptions, and grown in more ways than I can count.

But I must now confess that the joy of this work has been shadowed by a painful realization—one I can no longer ignore.

Somewhere along the way, I fell into an ancient trap of the Enemy. In my zeal to pursue and preserve the Faith in its most pure and ancient form, I lost sight of personal holiness, of charity, and—most tragically—of the very Person at the center of it all: Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Let me be candid: I became a Pharisee. I sought the truth, clung to the truth, and proclaimed the truth—but failed to live out the Great Commandment.

Every encyclical I studied, every dogmatic proclamation I revered, every quote from saints and doctors of the Church—I turned them into cords, meticulously braided into whips intended for those I believed to be enemies of Christ and His Church. And so, I became the master whipmaker. But when Christ is no longer the center of a spiritual endeavor, the devil is never far behind. Into those carefully crafted whips he wove strands of pride, bitterness, unforgiveness, and hardness of heart—things too shameful to list in full here. Suffice it to say: I became uncharitable. And in the eyes of God, I suspect I became little more than “sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.”

Rather than purifying the temple, my whip began to harm those around me—and myself.

This interior drama did not confine itself to this platform. While I’ve received encouraging feedback—comments and emails affirming that these posts were bearing fruit—what was festering in my heart began to corrode my relationship with God. I entered a period of profound spiritual dryness. My relationship with the woman I love most in this world suffered, as did other cherished relationships, including those with people I was mentoring. It became, in a word, a dog show.

One of several wake-up calls came, providentially, when Dr. Peter Kwasniewski, reposted an article written by Steve Skojec in the wake of Pope Francis' passing. Steve’s story is a complex one, but his reflections struck a chord so deep that I can honestly say his words may have salvaged both my faith and my most precious relationship.

I make no claim to stand on equal footing with a man like Steve—founder of OnePeterFive and an inspiration to thousands—but I recognized myself in his tale: how unchecked, disordered zeal can distort faith and wreak havoc on one’s life. (And for the record, I’m not accusing Steve of such zeal—only myself. But if anyone reading this is in contact with him, please convey my heartfelt thanks.)

So let me be clear: I do not apologize for the truths I’ve shared, nor for my intention to defend them. I stand by both. What I do repent of is my disposition.

I am now humbly trying to untangle this spiritual wreckage. I’ve begun apologizing to those I’ve hurt, seeking to make amends, and wrestling earnestly with the state of my soul. My focus is on reordering my spiritual life—placing the fundamentals of the Catholic faith back at the center.

I won’t go into more detail at this time, but I felt it was necessary to offer this explanation.

With that said, I will be taking a short break. God willing, I’ll return soon—refreshed and reoriented. I pray that this detour in my journey will ultimately deepen the value of what I share here, for your benefit and mine.

Please don’t unsubscribe. Please pray for me and for those dear to me. Know that I continue to pray for you.

You are my people.

Yours sincerely in Christ,

The Master Whipmaker